The road for a stepmother is always difficult. No matter which way you go, you always end up on the wrong foot. The most common mistake that most stepmothers make is trying to take the place of kid’s real mother. But just on the contrary, you should never touch that place. Issues like this and many more that stepmoms fight every day and a comfortable alternate for it is listed right here. So what are you waiting for?

 ”Go ahead, call me Mom!”

Face it, you are not their mother and will never be. The kids have gone through enough and pushing them to call you mom will only confuse and irritate them further. On the other hand you can say, “We’re going to be one big, happy family!”

With some amount of effort and time you may actually become the happiest of step families, but yes don’t expect it to happen overnight. A common tested and tried timeline is approx. 3 years and the first year is the toughest.

“Feel free! Do whatever you want.”

Yes, kids need love and freedom, but they also need boundaries or they are left clueless without rules to guide them. Sit with the kids and talk to them…but don’t scream. Make it clear what is acceptable and what is not. At the end, they are kids, they will accept some and reject some and you have to give them time to come around. Don’t push too much on the concept of buddies. You are still a parent figure and have to set the example of a mature individual. This comes especially important when dealing with teenagers. Very soon you will find out that hanging out with them is not so cool as you thought.

Don’t do the ‘Do it all’ act

“I’ll get it,” “I’ll drive,” “I’ll wash it,” “Forget about me,” etc. don’t make yourself a martyr. If you let them take you for granted in your effort to be nice and sweet, you will never see them taking you seriously. It is much better to be wicked and then later turn the image to a person who needs to be respected.

Oh…don’t be Sad!

Your stepchildren are still in mourning, so it is ok for them to be sad. Let them grieve if they want to. Just forgetting everything and moving on is not easy, especially when it is kids. They see you as someone who is living evidence that their mom and dad are never going to be together ever. Don’t try to do too much and stay a bit aloof. Ask their dad to help the kids in this matter. It will help as they would relate with their dad more at this point.

“Did your mother bring you up to do that?”

Never ever bad mouth their mom. For a kid, his mom is his entire world. Whether it is a divorce or death, their mom is irreplaceable. If you are sarcastic or say bad things to your partner about his ex, it is the kids who are going to get hurt the most. If you think, the lid is going to blow off, take a break…

What’s the matter, never heard of thank you?”

One thing that step mothers do unknowingly is become a stepparent and expect gratitude for everything. No, you don’t need to tolerate rudeness, however choose what battles to pick. You can’t expect kids to have the best manners when they are in a bad mood. If you stress too much on it, then you are sure in for disappointment.

 ”It’s them or me.”

This is one point that should never come up. It is always them. Your step children are jealous of you. And perhaps you are also jealous of them, admit it. If you tell to pick, then you are sure to win. Rather than taking it as a time that you just have to cross, enjoy the time you are spending with his kids. The kids are not going away anywhere. But with intimacy, you can bring the family closer. Children understand the language of love. So, just give love, it has to come around.